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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887486">self deprecation at its finest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rokuven Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentioned Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Sad Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), dw Ventus is there to comfort him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:21:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,058</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxas and Ventus week day 4!!</p><p>“I didn’t ask to be created.”<br/>“Sweetheart--”<br/>Oh dear, he can’t stop the flood of words from spilling from his mouth. “My only purpose was to be a pawn in the organization’s plan, but now I’m here and I have no reason to be. I have no reason to be taking up space that someone more important could be using.”</p><p>((Creation)) | ((Reason for being)) | "I'm asking you as a friend, just... put an end to me."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Roxas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rokuven Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>self deprecation at its finest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Aha! I've finally gotten Day 4 done!!<br/>It's not as long as I wanted to make it but I had a bit of a hard time figuring out what I wanted to write so I'm proud that I at least got something out before the day ended! Hope y'all enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If there’s anything Roxas loves, it’s rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The soft pitter patter against the windows, the cool breeze, the pretty lightning that bursts sporadically out of deep grey clouds. Even the worst storms; The angry kind, with winds so aggressive it shakes the window panes, and rumbles the floor with their loud booms of thunder. They leave him fascinated and stuck by the window for hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s different today. Today, the curtains are drawn and the room is dark, and Roxas lies curled up on his side atop the blankets. His phone is the only source of light, blinking to existence every now-and-then with some new notification that he couldn’t care less about. He left the phone on the other side of the room atop his dresser anyways; He considered getting up to grab it, but the hollow heaviness in his limbs strongly protested against any and all movement. He stares blankly at the space between the curtains instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not often he feels like a dead weight sinking into himself, but recently he’s found it difficult to do anything else. His mind has been gripped too tightly by the hands of the past, plagued with existential crisis questions like: “What am I doing with life? Why am I here, what’s my purpose?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's horrible. Roxas feels like he's drowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There's a soft knock on the door; Roxas has to take more than a few seconds to process the noise. He frowns, looks down at the neutral-colored bedspread, then mutters, "Come in."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s only a little surprised when Ventus is the one who opens the door. Knowing Lea and Xion, they probably called him over after the third (failed) attempt at getting Roxas to come out of his room. He couldn’t blame them for being worried. If the roles were reversed, he probably would’ve done something similar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ventus walks around to the other side of the bed, out of Roxas peripheral vision. He feels the bed dip with his lookalike’s weight next to him, then a hand softly touch his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Xion told me you’ve been having a rough time,” Ventus says, proving Roxas’ earlier theory correct. “Do you wanna talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Is Roxas’ immediate answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there’s silence. The hand resting on his back moves to his hair. Gentle fingers card through blonde strands and it makes him feel safer than he has all week. He relaxes, letting the tenseness in his muscles drain away little by little until he’s jelly and unsure of how much time has passed. The physical touches do nothing to settle his brain, however; it runs a mile a minute, clouding his mind with unwanted questions and fears. He wonders if this is all real or not, if the hand in his hair is really there; if the boy attached to said-hand is actually real and loves him as much as he says he does. He wonders if he, himself, is real, and not some sort of projection in the back of someone’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly the hand stops, and it scares Roxas so much he begins to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being in tune with all things Roxas, Ventus notices almost right away and nudges Roxas’ shoulder, “Starlight, look at me. It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Roxas turns, hoping he doesn’t look as pathetic as he feels. Ven is looking right at him, eyes blue like the sky and filled with sympathy. The blonde gives him a gentle smile and wipes away fallen tears even though they will just be replaced with new ones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are.” he whispers, and it takes everything in Roxas not to completely fall apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Existing is stupid,” Roxas says in a broken voice. “Just put an end to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Roxas, don’t say that… You’re so important to so many people around you. You can’t stop existing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask to be created.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweetheart--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh dear, he can’t stop the flood of words from spilling from his mouth. “My only purpose was to be a pawn in the organization’s plan, but now I’m here and I have no reason to be. I have no reason to be taking up space that someone more important could be using.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roxas hold on--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should’ve just stayed in Sora’s heart like I was meant to. I’m not supposed to have heart of my own, and knowing my luck it probably isn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>mine</span>
  </em>
  <span> to begin with, just a carbon copy of his and-and </span>
  <em>
    <span>yours</span>
  </em>
  <span> and this would all be so much easier for all of you if I just wasn’t here messing everything up--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ven is sitting up now, looking down at Roxas with the most stern look he’s ever seen him wear. It takes Roxas a moment to realize how hard he’s actually crying now. He presses his hands to his eyes and wipes them roughly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For starters, Roxas, you have </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> messed anything up for us, and even if you did then that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s normal to mess up in life, and I am so sorry if anyone has ever made you think otherwise. And secondly, you don’t have to always have some big important purpose or reason to justify why you’re alive. Your reason? It could be your friends, it could be skateboarding. Hell, it can be something as simple as sea-salt ice cream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> think that you’re some sort of waste of space. You matter to a lot of people, Roxas. I love you so so much, I wish I could hug all those horrible thoughts away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxas didn’t think it was possible to cry more, but he now knew it was. Wiping his eyes once again, Roxas sucked in a breath and said, “A hug might not take the thoughts away… but it won’t hurt to try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ventus gives Roxas another little smile, lays down again, gathering the boy in his arms. He buries his face against his chest and inhales, exhales. Ventus runs a soothing hand over his back, pressing kisses into his hair. Roxas isn’t sure how he ever got so lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t deserve you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserve everything and more. I’d give you all the worlds if I could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, you’re gonna make me cry again,” Roxas says with a watery laugh, then, “I love you. More than you could ever imagine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Starlight.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me @cryptidsunshine on Twitter! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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